The Odd Couple

Ah Gong and Ah Po were really strange bedfellows, sharing a lifetime together but totally different in outlook and mannerism, While Ah Gong was affable in every manner; Ah Po in essence, was more abrasive and contentious.

Though we lived with our grandparents when we were very young, those years were a blur to me. However I did lived with Ah Gong and Ah Po for a year during my sophomore year at the University of Malaya in Kuala Lumpur. Uncle Kwong Teck then had a house in Section 19 in PJ and had kindly offered to let me stay with him. My grandparents were living with him, having moved out from the house in the Village by then.

My two cousins, Allan and Jennifer were very young at the time. Allan must be about 3 or so and Jennifer still an infant. Ah Po took care of Allan (that's the reason why Allan is perhaps the closest to Ah Po) while Jennifer was fostered out to a babysitter. My aunt Hong Giap was a nurse in University Hospital and for a time, Ah Gong used to drive her to and fro from work. Uncle Kwong Teck was working for Carlsberg (of the famed "Long Cool Dane") and his friends used to call him " Carlsberg Chai".

I occupied the room facing the back of the house, near to the kitchen. Uncle Kwong Sin and Aunt Siew Kheng were living in a house just behind us. My cousin Siew Key was just going to Kindergarten; Lee Voon (Mun Mun) in nursery maybe and Lee Lee still a toddler. Aunt Siew Kheng was a great cook and I used to enjoy having meals at her house. Uncle Kwong Sin was working with Welcome, a pharmaceutical firm.

Life was mainly mundane--my uncle and aunt busy with their work and I with my studies. There were very few buses plying the area and I had to walk about one KM to Section 17 to catch the bus to the campus and walked 1 KM back again in the evening. It was so quiet those days that I was often frightened by the echoes of my own footsteps, thinking I was being followed. Try walking today and you would probably be more annoyed by oncoming traffic, noise and dust; than being stalked by strangers.

Life was also peaceful except for the frequent 'quarrels' between Ah Po and Ah Gong. Even as Ah Gong was quiet and docile, Ah Po found every reason to pick up a 'fight'; bickering over nothing really.

On one occasion, Ah Gong came home after a haircut; and Ah Po must comment he looked like a "Tuk Loot" -- meaning someone foolish in Hakka. Most times, Ah Gong would let it go but at times he would retort, sometimes making funny remarks which incensed Ah Po further.

A funny anecdote as told by Lee Kwoi in our recent dinner get-together to celebrate my mother's birthday goes like this: Ah Po nags Ah Gong to throw the garbage into the huge can placed outside of the house.

Ah Gong utters under his breath, " Fine, fine. Why don't I bundle you up as well and have you disposed together with the garbage?".

Ah Po, totally miffed, rattled off in the least-refined Hakka phrases, rebuked Ah Gong for a good half hour. Ah Gong picks up the newspapers, pretended to read them and subsequently falls asleep-- amidst all the fury and outburst.

And that was just Ah Gong and Ah Po...living under the same roof for more than half a century; sharing the same bed perhaps but had hardly shown sweetness or affection to each other.

Fate had united these two beings. Their marriage, though not entirely blissful, lasted a lifetime. Can we say the same of ours?

Pitiful Ah Po

It must have been about 8 + P.M (the date I could not remember), I was rushing up the staircase to see grandma (Ah Po) who had been very ill. She was warded at Assunta Hospital in PJ. Just as I approached her bed, I heard nurses calling, " Ah Po! Ah Po!.." Unbeknown to me, it was precisely that moment that Ah Po passed on. Ah Po died at Assunta Hospital that night. She was 90 at least.

Ah Po outlived three of her sons-- Pa (eldest son), second uncle (who died in the jungle, killed by the communists) and uncle Kwong Sin (fourth son). Apart from second uncle's death, Ah Po was never told about Pa's and Uncle Kwong Sin's death. The grief brought about by this cruel truth would have killed her...

For years after Pa's death, Ah Po though never told the truth, must have suspected that something was amiss. When Ah Po was too frail and weak to be taken care of at home, she lived out her last few years in an Old Folks' Home. Uncle Kwong Sin's wife, Aunt Siew Kheng --Siew Key's mother-- who was taking care of her for some time, developed heart problems and could no longer take the stress. Occasionally, when I visited Ah Po, she always asked about Pa because she had not seen or heard from him for years.

She must have missed her sons very much. Uncle Kwong Teck was living in Australia and Uncle Wong Soong in HongKong/China. At the later stage of her life, Ah Po was rather subdued. While her small body frame had most visibly shrunk, her mind was still alert as she could remember and talked quite a lot of her past.

I wish I had visited her more often and talked to her more. But I was living in Singapore at the time and really did not see her much.

In her younger days, Ah Po was quite a fiery character. She was the strong Hakka woman -- probably ran the household and made most of the decisions for the family (till Pa was old enough to take over). Ah Gong was quiet and docile, too timid to incur Ah Po's wrath. So for her, to live out her last days, lonely and desolate away from her family, must have been despairing. It is undeniably pitiable.

My sympathies are with her still...

Gentle Grandpa (Ah Gong)

Grandpa & grandma with Siew Key & (?)

The early days in the lives of Grandpa & Grandma are little known to me. But I am curious to know more. Perhaps, I should talk to my uncles Kwong Teck (in Australia) & Wong Soong (in HongKong/China). And I would.

Grandpa was the only adopted son of Ah Tai and was named Chai Tham Jin (not too sure of the spelling). He was a man of few words -- a rather gentle and amiable guy. I heard that Great-grandfather (Tai Gong) who himself had 3 wives, once suggested that grandpa get a concubine or second wife (very common during those times). Grandpa was quick to say no to him, citing that he'd rather stay out of the women trouble Tai Gong had (with his 3 wives) ... That was wise of Ah Gong.

Like Ah Tai, Ah Gong made Tofu for a living and probably sold it at Ah Tai's stall at the Pusing market. I wasn't sure if he kept his own stall in Batu Gajah. My only recollection of Ah Gong going to work was that he rode on a high bicycle carrying some stuff at the back.

Ah Gong was sickly but he always suffered in silence. Once, he came to stay over at our house and he rested on the canvas bed for a good part of the day. I must be about 10 at that time and very mischievous. When Ah Gong got out of the canvas bed, I quietly removed its support. So when Ah Gong returned to sleep on the bed, the canvas slipped and he fell to the ground. Instead of getting angry, Ah Gong just looked around for the missing support, replaced it and continued as though nothing had happened. I was amused at my own little prank but also amazed at Ah Gong's inaction.

But something happened that evening that shocked me. We were awoken in the middle of the night and I saw Ah Gong vomitting blood-- a big pool of dark brownish blood was on the floor with much more splattered on the wall. A stench of stale blood pervade the air and Ah Gong was crouching on the floor. Pa called an ambulance and Ah Gong stayed in hospital for a few days after that. Imagine the remorse I felt, thinking that I was the one who'd caused Ah Gong's illness. I found out later that Ah Gong suffered from ulcers in his stomach.

In his quiet ways, Ah Gong showed his love to us. I don't remember him hugging any of us. The Chinese at the time did not display affection openly. But he did little things for us that demonstrated he cared.

As a child, my school bag was a rattan basket. Once the handle broke, Ah Gong used a piece of steel wire and inserted it to make a new handle. He then carefully weaved the rattan back so that it looked just as it was before. That school bag lasted the whole lifetime of my school-going years...

After my O-Levels, I wanted to look for a temporary job to earn some money for College. Ah Gong, who was living in Kuala Lumpur with uncle Kwong Teck at the time, drove me to the job interview and waited patiently for it to be over. I got a job as a salesgirl in the SEA Park emporium and Ah Gong was happy for me.

And when I started working and had to take a bus to work, I had to cross a roundabout to the bus-stop on the the other side of the road. To make it convenient for me, Ah Gong found a piece of plank and secured it over the drain so that I could cross it safely. After that, I saw many people crossing the roundabout using Ah Gong's wooden bridge...

These were some of my fondest memories of Ah Gong--my kind and gentle grandpa, always willing to lend a helping hand in the most unassuming ways.